This dream sometimes plagues me, even after four years.
I’ve been piecing it together, little by little, over time.
I was trekking through a plush forest when I suddenly realize that I had forgotten something incredibly important… and my heart began to pound in my chest
Ohhhh SHIT. That’s right… I’m late for the most important exam of Life
What is WRONG with me??? I’m such a fuck up
This is a feeling I’ve battled with throughout my life… of barely sliding by, making it just in time
as I struggle to understand why
So I made it to the school which was set deep in the forest, near a flowing stream
that empties into to the ocean
It was nearly too late to take the exam and I was nearly in tears
The other students pushed by me, turning in their papers, giving me cavalier glances
Our Buddhist teacher looked more like an old wizard with a long white beard
Was he disappointed? No. He expected this from me… which kind of made it worse
And I received the “Big Question” handwritten in ink, just as a torrential thunderstorm began
soaking my exam sheet as I held it in my hands, asking people in passing for a pen or pencil
and several shook their heads or ignored me altogether
adding to my failure and shame
Fortunately, I found a pen and a seat in front of the dilapidated school building
The question: Explain the difference between a stream and flow
It’s supposedly THE question of Life
Oh my god. What does that mean?!
Does it even make sense? Am I a complete idiot?
The storm raged, soaking the sheet as the ink bled
I ran inside to join the other students in the schools’ basement, (which was pretty stupid as the water came pouring in, quickly flooding the halls)
I entered a classroom, in attempt to finish this exam
I found a desk but was halfway underwater
struggling to remain seated and the desk turned over
while I held tight to the crumpled exam sheet
the question is washed away… paper destroyed
Reluctantly, I let go of the desk and it sinks as I’m washed away by the heavy currents
bobbing up & down, being carried by a stream
I’m exhausted, giving up, floating off, flowing out towards the sea
then I begin to sink, face up, eyes open, looking up through the water
and plunging further down into the serene darkness
until I liquesce into the watery void
of the sea.